This is what happens when Mom is sick and Amaris thinks she is "helping". She gave Burrito Markers to draw and this is what I found!! I need to get better quick!!Since Scott has been gone all weekend and I am still trying to get energy and feel better Isaiah has really stepped up. I am so proud and impressed at the maturity and responsibility I have seen in him this weekend.
Becasue of him, I have not had to bother friends to come over during their family time to help me. Isaiah has taken care of the Burrito, cleaned up messes, taken complete care of the dog, made lunches, dinners and snacks, washed dishes the list goes on and on.
Every time I turn around there he is asking if I need anything. Heating up my heat pad for my aches, getting me more water, anything I may need he is right there ready to deliver! He has read the same Blues Clues book at least 189 times since Friday and has never lost patience once.
Isaiah, I could never have made it through this weekend with out you and all your help!
I love you and am so very proud of you!!!
The medicines are working on my body, I can feel the difference. This is good news. I never realized how much it could hurt to try to breathe though. my goodness! I asked the doctor today if it was normal to feel like my lungs had been cramped with charlie horses....his response....I never heard it put quite like that before but GREAT description!! It will take a good 2-3 weeks for my lungs to feel normal again. He also told me they should know by 3-4 weeks if I will have asthma or if it is temporary.
So, other than the pain when I breathe and the complete exhaustion I feel pretty good! Sounds strange I know. But really, I am grateful to not feel sick anymore. Time to rebuild my energy reserves. It is hard for me to stay quiet and NOT do things. I see things that need to be done and just want to do do do. But I promised myself I will make every effort to listen to the doctors and get back to 100%.
Scott left this afternoon for the weekend. He took Elijah down to visit Madison. It was hard for hi to go he doesn't trust me to take it easy. But we discussed it and agreed that Madison needs to know that when we make a promise we will keep it. We also decided not to tell her how sick I have been she would not handle that well.
I am ever so thankful for all my friends who love me. My church family who has been bringing meals to feed my family. What a HUGE blessing the meals are! As for this weekend? The kiddos and I are gonna order movies on PPV and snuggle on the couch while I pretend not to notice that there is laundry to be done and dusting a vacuuming and bathrooms that need to be cleaned....when I am better I will work on that cluttered house thing....not now!
I will preface this by saying if you feel sick enough to see a doctor. Please please go!
Last week I had a little cough on and off, over the weekend, during the conference. Mostly an annoying cough but no other problems. Really I felt quite fine on Monday! Had some worries but no physical problems.
Some time in the middle of the night I woke and knew I was sick. Not just the regular achy kind of sick but SICK. Of course I ignored it and went back to sleep. The morning arrived as usual and I tried to get up to get the day going and ready children for school. I could not get out of bed. My head hurt, my skin hurt to the touch even blankets hurt laying against my skin. I had a horrible cough.
First I asked Elijah for the phone and called Scott to come home and help with the kids. For those of you who know me. You know that I must have been sick to call Scott at work! He arrived in time to help with breakfast and bus. Elijah called my little friend Ellie and told her not to come for her morning kisses (I didn't want her to get sick!)
As Tuesday went along I barely made it back and forth to the bathroom, began vomiting due to the cough I could not control and slept. I kept begging Scott to "just let me SLEEP!!" While lying there in my bed hovering between coughing and sleeping I tried to imagine myself getting up, walking to the car and going in to the doctor and I could not even imagine it let alone accomplish it. So I stayed in bed. Cried and prayed and slept.
Wednesday morning arrived and I was even more sick than the day before. The vomiting had subsided but I knew lying in my bed I was sick and needed to somehow get to the doctor. Scott had stayed home from work again to help with the children. My mother came by and took one look at me and told Scott I needed to get to the clinic right away. So she stayed with the children and Scott took me into the urgent care clinic.
All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. They were so kind and put me in a room right away. I have vague memory of things that went on in the clinic. blood, xrays, talk of ambulances and oxygen. Next thing I know we are in the car on our way to the hospital.
I was admitted into the hospital Wednesday afternoon. I remember fading in and out of sleep. I am so grateful for Pastor Paul dropping everything on such a difficult day to come to the hospital, pray with me and hold my hand. It has been a great many years since I have felt a fatherly presence. That is what I felt with Pastor Paul praying and reassuring and holding my hand. It felt fatherly and brought great comfort.
I do not remember a lot between Wednesday and the weekend. I remember telling everyone how tired I was and how all I wanted to do was sleep.
I had many issues with IVs and breathing and such.
It wasn't until Sunday when I was speaking with the primary doctor in charge of my case that i learned how very sick I really was.
He told me if I had waited even 3-4 hours longer he did not think they would have been able to save me. By the time I arrived at the hospital my skin was yellow in color, my liver and kidneys had begun to shut down. The doctor told me he was scared for me all the way through Friday. He called in specialists on Saturday and they worked together to change the treatment plan and meds. I finally began to notice a difference Sunday night although it was slight it improved daily from there. After he left my room I sat there holding a photo if my children that Dave had taken the week of Christmas. I thought of the photos he took of me with the children when he wasn't 'supposed to'. I never knew how priceless those photos nearly became.
My Auntie and Special Uncle visited reminding me of how loved I am. Uncle Hair Bear brought with him the palpable feeling of my Daddy's presence. The way he spoke to me, winked at me and held my hand was exactly what my Dad would have done and was exactly what I needed!
I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. With many prescriptions and orders to take it easy for a couple weeks and not stress about things. The doctors even called me today to make sure I was still doing better and to remind me not to over do things.
I am trying. It is difficult to NOT do things in a house full of children. It is difficult to ask for help. But this time, I am willing. I still am not feeling well. I am very weak and tired and some of the medications make me feel jittery and sick to my stomach.
I am blessed to have such AMAZING friends. Who will drop everything to help with my children, bring us a meal, sit by my bed at the hospital while I cry like a baby! and most importantly who will fervently pray for me to get well!
It may take a while but I will be back to my usual busy crazy life!!
Thank God for second chances!!
I began writing this Monday before I got ill. And after reading decided it was worth posting.
I have so many many thoughts feelings and emotions swirling about in this mind of mine....
I am so so so thankful for a big brother who loves me, believes in me and supports the dreams I have for Dropz of Hope and for all my children both my own and those of Dropz...
As I sat this evening trying to listen to Joel on the TV....I heard him say, amongst the loud chaos of craziness that lives in a home with 7 children under the age of 13(we have 2 extra for the weekend), Joel said. Speak life into your circumstance....this is going to be my year to prosper....this is going to be the best decade of my life...I believe I will accomplish great and mighty things!!
as I sat for a few more moments while waiting for round one of baths to begin I got to thinking about the speaker from the conference this weekend. Pastor Heath Friday night spoke from God directly into my heart, then today Ali spoke as if she could read my heart and mind...I love when God confirms your thoughts by surprise.
I think if I were to cling to one thought from Pastor Heath and carry it with me it would be this:
Remember it is the winds of Heaven that makes you beautiful.
How soon we forget when we are caught up in the the crazy of life. When successes and failures rise and fall. We gain pride and shame with in heart beats of one another. It is difficult in those highs and lows to remember It is the winds from Heaven that gives us our beauty...
and yes, even in the lowest of all lows we all experience (and some of us would prefer to hide from all the world those moments)...even then God blows His winds through us and exposes a beauty that often times is more radiant than in times of great joy and success. I don't know maybe it is the way it blows through our tears and reflects off His face...maybe that is it.
Ali spoke of love. friendship. loyalty. we as people but especially as women crave friendship. not just friendship. but one that we can trust will be loyal through all times rejoicing while we rejoice, weeping while we weep. keeping our secrets, loving us no matter what...I pray I am that kind of friend...I know that I have work to do in this area. It is hard for me. I don't always let others in. But today I am going to make an effort to do and be better in this area. I desire to be called this kind of friend!
Thanks Pastor Heath and Ali for pouring all you have into our lives so we may become better leaders!
| 1. | to fill or litter with things in a disorderly manner: All kinds of papers cluttered the top of his desk. |
| 5. | a disorderly heap or assemblage; litter: It's impossible to find anything in all this clutter. |
| 6. | a state or condition of confusion. |
| 7. | confused noise; clatter. |
| 8. | an echo or echoes on a radar screen that do not come from the target and can be caused by such factors as atmospheric conditions, objects other than the target, chaff, and jamming of the radar signal. |
Let me begin today by apologizing....I know I call this my transparent heart...then when things get all cloudy in my life lately I hide and stop writing. Not fair. Not honest. I am sorry.
I have been fasting and praying for about a week now and several things are being revealed to me. My personal life has been spinning for about a year now, truth be known much longer than that...I am trying to get this Dropz of Hope thing off the ground. I know that God placed this fire in my heart to reach the foster children of our community. I know that God wants us to unite as a VILLAGE and care for those in need around us. For some reason I hit bump after bump in the road. I have been confused and honestly questioning whether I heard His voice correctly. I have been fighting a battle in my heart surrounding my Grand Mother. The most precious lady in my life...I have been fighting bitterness and anger towards certain family member and the way they have been treating her. Now there are all kinds of changes and hurt flooding my church. So, rather than cause controversy or offend people. I have distance myself from my Transparent Heart and held my tongue.
This morning I read this prayer written by Lisa Bevere and it touched me. I do not have to act out of my hurt, bitterness, anger, confusion. I have to be sure my heart is right and lies exactly where my Father created it to be. He will speak through me. through my actions. through my attitudes. through my words. I want more than anything to be an example of Grace like the many strong women I see in my life and around me. Gramma, Ann, Mommee, Brenda, Joslyn...these are a small handful of the women I look to as examples of how to carry yourself in the face of adverse times in life. I am in awe of the favor God has placed on them. The courage and strength they possess can only come from God.
God is working on my heart. I am a work in progress. Be patient with me as I allow His grace to guide me through these stages of my journey.
